It’s Ok to Let Go…

What can we let go of to attain a vibrant and healthy being? From my experience, I am here to tell you positively, EVERYTHING. What does that mean? I know it might sound crazy or scary but it is absolutely 100% the truth. You might already follow the saying let go of what does not serve you well. You might have some old stories ruminating in your mind that you decide to let go of because it doesn’t feel good. Perhaps you’ve had some “aha” moments over time and have learned about yourself gradually. These are all good steps. However, I am talking big time let go of everything that was and start fresh. Yes, old stories, old belief systems, old emotions, old ways of being, old rules and regulations, conditional living, relationships, money, work, home, clothes, anything tangible, anything thinkable, just letting it all disintegrate like it would in a fire. Let it die so you can have a rebirth. It will create a magical opportunity to explore and adventure out into this world with a whole new way of being and thinking. It will promote a naturally occurring wellness and a meaningful way of being and living. It will leave you in awe and questioning everything about your existence. It will propel you into the magnificence and freedom you never dreamed possible. YOU will be changed FOREVER. And if you feel you need some assistance, I can be right here by your side.

As I embarked on my self-healing journey from a cancer diagnosis in 2015, my theme was “Letting Go”. I started to blog about my journey because I realized I might have some really important information to share. As I reflect on my journey and read through my old blog entries, I had many that addressed the idea of letting go and a tool that is KEY in supporting that journey that still rings true today. It kind of gives me the chills because at the time I had no idea what I was doing. I was just going forward the best way I could, and I knew I needed to purge a lot from my system. I did not know that meant my body and my mind. I did many types of detoxing processes. I was my own experiment. Each time I thought I was done, something else would surface that needed to be processed out of my being. I came to realize that yes we can purge the old versions of ourselves, but there is also this constant way of being that also represents letting go on a daily basis. It can be healthy and not so dramatic as letting go for the sake of self-transformation. There is also a key TOOL that can support this process so we can maintain some type of balance within ourselves.

Here is an entry from what I wrote AFTER I thought I was done with my letting go process….

“I definitely have a strong “letting go” theme going on throughout my journey. I am finding out that it is continuous. I started with the physical things you use on a daily basis. Food we consume. Personal care items we put on our bodies. Cleaning supplies around the home. Clothes we wear. The small tangible things in life. It was the INTANGIBLE elements that felt the most difficult to purge. The environment, relationships, beliefs, stress, emotional hurts, and the most pertinent… our SELF. Who we are BEING  instead of what we are doing or how we define ourselves is one of the biggest lessons. Thankfully I have let most of my past go that was not serving me well. When I got to the relationship one, that was a doozy. The long-term companionship I had was disintegrating over time and I thought for sure had to be the last thing to go. Nope. There was more. Yeehaw! My mom was next. Ever try to let go of a mom while you have cancer? How about 2 moms? I don’t recommend it, it pretty much sucks. I thought holy crap this is a whopper glad it’s over. This HAS to be the finale. Nope. The pandemic hit and I lost all 3 of my jobs. I was job titleless. That was a big gulper. I was on unemployment driving my moms Cadillac. I had been in charge at work so I had people not dealing with the pandemic very well, angry at me, taking things out on me. My team at work disintegrated in a day. I was devastated and sad. My band family was all hugged up at home and I could longer see them or perform live. We all know those stories and we all have some. I am not complaining, just telling my story. A year passed and the world is finally coming out of hibernation and I am using my time to study and create a new wellness business.

To be honest, if I was never diagnosed with Cancer I am not sure I would have been able to deal with all these shocks. I would have been the old version of me and re-acted poorly or not at all. I now had healthy coping mechanisms and tools to help me through these tough times. I highly recommend meditation. If you wanna rock your own world, you have to meditate. No question about it. For sure. 100%. Do it. And do it now. Don’t worry about if you are doing it right. Just try it. Try something. Try to be quiet. Put on headphones. Put in your earbuds. Lock yourself in the bathroom. Get a meditation app. Search it on YouTube it’s free. Listen to anything and everything and be open. Do it again and again. Do it every day. I can’t stress it enough. Give yourself time and you will see and feel a difference. Don’t do it once or twice and give up and just say I can’t do it. That’s being a whimp about being a human being. I know I am being bossy but trust me when I say this can save your life. Please. Pretty please.

So yes meditation was key in helping me get and stay somewhat grounded and mostly connected to who I truly am. It helped keep the belief that everything is ok and always working out for me. You know what? Everything was ok. And everything is working out for me. I get up each morning and do the same thing. Meditate. I check in with me. The whole letting go process really forced me to acknowledge myself and discover Who I really was. My biggest lesson was WHO I was BEING. In the past I was always caught up in what I was doing, what people thought of me, being successful at work and making money, what I looked like and if I was attractive, looking for love in all the wrong places, and looking for praise and acceptance to help me feel worthy. I almost want to vomit writing that last sentence. I am so happy to have purged that from my body and mind. I knew I didn’t feel the best all those years but I didn’t know how to do it any better. I didn’t have the tools. I didn’t understand about past trauma and how to process it and let it go. I had no idea it was impacting my whole life and my whole being. I really felt so vulnerable and stupid and embarrassed when I learned this about myself. I didn’t tell anyone. I had been living in shame, with guilt, sadness, lacked a sense of security, had very poor self-esteem, and no sense of self-worth. I didn’t stand up for myself and was caught up in vicious cycles. Every relationship I had was poor and most of all I was failing miserably at the relationship with myself. 

I was able to categorize myself and come up with my own understanding. I will share. I was comprised of a body, a mind, an ego, emotions, and a soul. The goal was to get them all to work together cohesively. The good news is I did it! The other news is that it is non-stop. This is why the journey is never-ending while I am here on earth but I am very ok with this process. Try snipping the cords on all the attachments we have as humans and see how all those entities react. Not fun. The no jobs, deaths, disease, and change is heavy stuff to move forward. Meanwhile you are having reactions by all the BEEMS (that’s what I call it - body, ego, emotions, mind, soul)  at the same time and it’s hard to keep track and manage. All I can say is THIS is when  meditation is key. Brings you back to what is real. Gives you clarity. Brings you peace. 

Letting go is highly recommended. However, fear does tend to kick in but that is good. If we can conquer those fears then maybe we have a chance. Look at it as opportunity to really flourish as a human being. A way to embrace who we are and live a life that is happy and fulfilled and meaningful. I think I would equate letting go to being the first step in truly healing ourselves. We don’t have any room to fill ourselves up with good stuff until we let go of the old stuff. I did not do it on my own either. I did talk therapy for 1 full year when my long term relationship was ending. Everything together was really helpful. I was able to develop a compassion and understanding of myself that helped me accept me, accept the past, live in the moment, and look forward to the future. I was no longer on that roller coaster of anxiety future thinking and ruminating about things in my mind.  I also was introduced to our attachments as humans. I had no idea what that really meant until my mothers passed forward. When someone is no longer here in the physical, everything you formed with that person deceases in an instant. You are left with lots of love out in the universe guiding  you and a big pile of “ what do I do now?” type of feelings. I realized that I was essentially dealing with the death of my self and the death of my mothers. I had very close relationships with both of my moms and now they were gone. They were who I talked to and who I texted and hung out with all the time. I am still in the process of building new relationships with people and it takes time. The good news is you realign with people who are more like you and it feels easier to enjoy the world. 

Letting Go would be on my mandatory self-care list. It is something I had no concept prior and did not have the tools to even execute this process. Meditation eased the process. I am not saying you have to go through every single thing in your life, that was my process. However, everyone has human attachments and as soon as you can identify what they are that is a letting go process. Certain beliefs that you soaked up might not even be true anymore, gaining new perspective is a letting go process. Tackling any kind of dependency is a letting go process. I had many dependencies, some small some big. They consisted of love relationships, food, alcohol, fitness, shopping, binge movie watching, and excessive internet surfing. Basically I was a mess and I didn’t even realize what I was doing. Did I mention letting go of the past? I am a success story of letting go and having it change your life. When I went on my ayahuasca spiritual retreat we had to share our stories and would gather around a fire pit and talk every single night. The last night we had to write on paper all the things we wanted to release. My paper was filled on both sides. I basically declared a letting go of everything in my life. It was healing. It was a good choice. It has served me and others very well and opened up the door for a much more fulfilling life. I now did not have to juggle all the past and try to reconfigure it to fit my present or future it was just gone. poof. Just like that. I was glad and it was a relief. I felt lighter. I felt happier. And thankyou mother ayahuasca. I am not promoting the use of psychedelics but yes my journey has also included medical marijuana and ayahuasca. They helped ease my pain body and it was appropriate for those seasons in my life. They are not long term use tools for me. I don’t need them long term because I have resolved my past and moved into the present. That has been a very solid solution for me. I have seen so many people transfer their struggles from one vice to another, that is what I did for many years too. I am happy to be rid of them and yes the high of life is much higher than any drug or  alcohol or sex or tasty food or retail therapy.  Balance is the key when you have adapted to your new way of living. I am not saying never, I am saying getting ourselves in a place that feels good is key. Caring about our emotions and using them as a barometer is useful. Reaching for what feels good and realizing we don’t have to struggle is a powerful declaration. That is letting go of being a victim and blame. It is stepping up by holding ourself accountable. We do have the power. We aren’t Gods but we do have the power to create a reality that feels good. 

So letting go and making room for the good stuff is what’s up. In between all of that resides fear. It’s a learning curve. It’s growing pains. It’s what happens when we start to wake up. When we get out of our egos and start to tap into the spirit of us. We experience lots of emotion but can conclude that emotions are temporary. So if you are having a bad day go take a nap or go to bed or meditate. It’s a reset for your brain. “

Some of my favorite 1 liners that helped me get through…

Just let it go. Meditate to keep sane. Work through your fears. Know that everything is ok. It is what it is. Trust the process.